NOT ANOTHER WORD, OR I SHALL BE ANGRY! CODEPENDENTS BACK DOWN!

I am in Buena Park where I have the honor to be the greeter for the guest speakers for the annual symposium of the international organization, NAET. (Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Technique)

On the long drive over from Arizona, my daughter and I were listening to a book on CD, The Golden Compass. There was one interaction between a little girl around the age of 8 and her ‘Uncle’ that keeps coming back to my mind. (I don’t think her was her real Uncle, however he was a man of ‘authority' where she lived.

I picture her living in a place like my professor priest friend in Ireland, a very cool old facility that was built way back when. (Like the pictures above.)

She somehow was left there with all of these scholars (men of authority), to live and be raised. She only had one fellow playmate and that was the little boy who helped in the kitchen.

The part that keeps coming back to me, is when she was exploring the grounds and she was being questioned by her Uncle. She was a brave little girl and said what was on her mind. (Which I admire!) However, Uncle didn’t like it and stopped her in her tracks, adding in a gruff voice, “Not another word or I shall be angry!”

Crap! I often wonder in my life “So what happens when they get angry?” I remember back as a child do everything that I could in order not to make my parents, especially my dad, angry! Man, the power they had!!

As I’m working through emotional healing and codependency issues, I now witness how others (and myself, still :-( ) can use passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate and get things the way we want, without ever saying it!

Just recently I was on the phone with a friend. We had a discussion the previous evening which was good, but obviously not resolved on their part. As we spoke about something for ETL, I felt the shortness and curtness of the conversation. I knew that this person had more to say, but couldn’t say it and so they did this behavior, which didn’t feel nice.

I have done enough personal work to not let it go. (Like I would have in the past and just pouted about it.)
When I noticed the conversation not feeling nice, I just said, “I’ll talk to you later.” But then I realized what was happening and I I called back and asked if there was anything that was unresolved from our last conversation?

I was told, “No, after I thought about what you said, I realized that you were right!” I hate that answer! (Another codependent behavior!) I don’t want to be right. In fact, I’m not right. I just gave another viewpoint for consideration.

It reminded me of the conversation of the little girl and her Uncle. “Not another word or I shall be angry!” It reminded me of my life totally! Being a recovering codependent, I now know that codependents will do and say anything not to make you angry. We are shock absorbers for everyone else, which is not our job, by the way!!!

I guess after reflecting on this little conversation that keeps popping in my head is just an opportunity for me to check in with myself, seeing what it is that I believe, want and need and then communicating that in a crystal clear way so that others can understand. And not letting any ‘authority’ try to scare me into silence. Boy, do I still have a lot of work to do!!

Happy beginning of the weekend!!!

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

In the recent months I have a friend and we’ve had a lovely time together. After my trip to Ireland something had changed and yet he never talked about it. Me, being aware of trying to live life consciously, noticed and asked him about it. What had changed for him while I was away?

True to form, for a codependent, he wouldn’t say, actually he couldn’t say. Why? A codependent feels like someone is digging a knife into their heart for them to say or do something that would (possibly) hurt the feelings another. How do I know? It’s me!

The problem is however, that when we skirt around the issues at hand, in the long run, it is so much more painful than the sting of the initial first blow. Certainly there are tears involved and maybe even unkind words are exchanged. But like a splinter when left untreated, our feelings fester and the pain intensifies and we make excuses for their behavior.

MAN UP and say what it is that you need to say. What do you want in YOUR life? Don’t wait for another to dictate what they want. If you’re not feeling loved, heard or appreciated, (personal or professional) in your relationships decide what YOU want!

Always come from a place of strength and clarity. Sometimes it takes quite awhile for the clarity to come but once it does, the strength follows.

With this friend of mine, I call it the Refiner’s Fire. It is reminiscent of a past relationship that I hung onto for 6 years, knowing that he just wasn’t that into me. I would make excuses, but he said, he called, he....whatever, get over it! This time, it was only 6 months! YAHOO!!!!!

If you find yourself in a situation where you’ve been clear in your communication and your needs and desires aren’t being met, then CHOOSE YOU, every time!!!! (Off to LA for a conference! Have a great rest of the week!!!!!)

YOU THINK YOU KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

The words, You think you know, but you have no idea, came to my mind today. I originally heard them at a youth rally many years ago.

I was having dinner with several friends and the conversation turned to current events and who is guilty of what.

I was shocked to hear one friend say, “She’s absolutely guilty!” (Now exactly how does one know that for sure? How many times has someone been put into prison, only later to find out they were innocent, or conversely someone was set free and later found to be guilty with new evidence.)

Most recently this friend had been in a local paper in an article that was false and unsubstantiated. My friend hadn’t even been contacted before the article appeared to see if there was anything that he wanted to say in his defense.

“That’s exactly what has happened to you!” I complained. “How can you say so quickly, that she’s guilty? We’ve heard only what the media has to say!”

I do not want to discuss the guilt and innocence of people here. I only want to point out that things are not always as they seem. Many times we get on the band-wagon without knowing all the facts and hearing both sides of the story, realizing that everything is tainted from each person’s point of view.

You think you know, but you have no idea!

I wondered, why we are so quick to point fingers and judge others? Our society, with modern day media and social networking, etc., is overly involved in living the lives of others. From sports figures to movie stars and anyone else who comes up in the media, we judge, condemn and criticize.

I came to the conclusion that if we were living our own lives, truly living; we wouldn’t be so concerned about the cycles of life others are going through. As long as we can obsess about how others are living, guessing and putting our own projections onto them, it keeps us off of our own personal journeys. Which is the only journey that matters.

When we can find compassion for ourselves, we’ll have it for others. Once we stop judging ourselves, we’ll naturally stop judging others. We can begin by being nice to ourselves, loving ourselves. After all, conceivably we can be the only person that we’ll know our entire lives! Let’s be friends!

As Martin Luther King said, Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere! (Including injustice to me!)

SELF DESTRUCTION TENDENCIES CAN BE CAUSED BY GUILT

I don’t know if this is helpful to anyone, but I’ve told you about the personal issues I’m going through dealing with a relationship in my life that I was unwilling to participate in any longer...my renters!

It’s taken a lot of coaching from my trusted friends. (I’ve received a lot of advice as to what I should do and in the end, I took the advice from the people who are renting to good tenants who pay on time. Just to clarify: I’m not saying my tenants aren’t good people, I’m only saying I want tenants who pay on time without incident.)

I ended up hiring legal help as I have heard the horror stories. We started with their 30 day notice. The emails began. Begging, pleading and can’t you see our side....Oh wait, I’ve already got that lesson, stay strong, Pati! The first of the month came, no rent. We were able to give them a 3 day pay or quit notice. The emails continued. 5 days later, (because of the laws:) we went to court (because after many attempts, were not able to serve them in person) and we were able to serve them with a court summons, of 10 days to answer or vacate.

Last night, I received an email from the tenant, asking me to stop this 'silly and unnecessary court order.' All along, he’s made it sound like my fault and I’m acting irrationally. I bring this up because this is very manipulative behavior and a bait that I would previously have bitten on before. @ell, actually struggled with even in this instance, to show how another person in our lives can try to get us to see/do things their way by using guilt. It was the silly and unnecessary court order that got their attention! All the rest was just blowing smoke.

If I hadn’t had my shaman, trusted friend and daughter consulting with me, pointing out the obvious (to them) I possibly would have gone back into the 'mommy protection’ mode. I have had much practice at this and had come too far to back slide, though I easily could have.

Today I pulled the angel card Caressa: Self destruction tendencies are caused from guilt. The underlying cause of not taking care of ourselves is guilt. I could really see this is true in my life. I’ll do anything first, besides take time to take care of me. Why? I’m so wretched for upsetting the lives of others?

When I left my husband and found a place for my teen age son to live. I had made the decision that he should have the master bedroom. Why? It was because of what I had done that ruined the lives of my family. He should have the nice room. A very wise friend said to me, “That is out of order! You will take the master bedroom!” God Bless Her! (I would have caused harder lessons for my son in the long run had I not heeded my friend’s advice.)

While I’m semi-strong enough to make the moves forward, the emotions that still need healing for me is the little one inside who thinks that she has wrecked the lives of her family (by leaving) and now these tenants.

As I see it, it was just the Refiner’s Fire. My tenants were simply the angels that came into my life to say, “Hey, Pati, are you going to stand up for yourself through all of this or will you back down?

I know that I’ve passed, as I got no charge from the email (I didn’t read it of course, I had my daughter just tell me anything that I needed to know) and I have no anxiety or emotions about the money, it’s just business!

YAHOO!!! Now, if I can get the take care of yourself part down:) Happy Day!!!!

POSITIVE ENERGY BLAST!

I recently received an email from a follower who had previously asked me if I had read any of Rosemary Altea’s books.
(I haven’t.)
She had a couple of close calls while driving the past few days and had been seeing the number 7 a lot. The number 7 means, “You’re on the right path and doing great! Keep going!” The near car accidents, for me would indicate “ A wake up call.” Being conscious in every moment. Where are you giving yourself away? Where are you saying yes to others and no to yourself?

Here is an excerpt from the email as I think Rosemary has some great insights to share.

"I asked you a while back if you had read a book by Rosemary Altea. I picked it up again last night and started reading it again. She writes about being able to talk and see spirits and I'm not sure about this part of the book, but she also talks about being kind to yourself. One comment so far that kind of stood out was...."We are the universe. The universe is of us. Unseparate, inseparable, one. Our actions create reactions. And each of us, each individual, is responsible for those actions.”
I'm going to try to remember this today. That what I put out there, will also come back to me, good or bad.”

And I’ll add, “You’re going to get exactly what you’re looking for....positive or negative!” When we put out positive energy, it goes out into the Universe, attracts more of the same and comes back to us as a Positive Energy Blast! The same is true with negativity.

It matters what we do, say and think! It matters to us as individuals and it matters to us as a collective!
It’s summer time and a Positive Energy Blast sounds cool and refreshing! So let’s send out lots of positive love and thoughts!!

WORK BACKWARDS TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!

I was speaking yesterday with my mentor, Author and Inspirational speaker, Terry Hershey, about how to write the talks for my two upcoming workshops that I’ve been invited to speak at. I asked, him how I should begin in the development of writing them. He said, “You begin at the end. What do you want them to take home with them?”

I am also reading a book by an author whom I just met, Build Your Dream, by Byron Thompson. He also talks about beginning at the end. How do you want your life to look in 5 years? Your business? Your personal life? Your relationships? Where you’re living? What classes you’re taking, etc.?

So, I just wanted to share with you, another way for manifesting the desires of your heart. Work backwards. What do you want? Then answer the question, How will you get it? What do you need to do to achieve it?

For example. What do you want? I want to have a healthy, toned body. How will you get it? By setting aside time each day to exercise. What exercises will you do and how long will you spend? The point is, it doesn’t matter what you do or how long you spend doing it. One minute spent on attaining your goal will get you that much closer to it. If you spend no time, you’ll get no results. The more time you spend, the quicker the results.

ETL (Evolve to Live) has the potential for moving fast right now! The ideas are coming quickly. And I have to consciously make a bit of time for each area that I’m wanting to develop if I want ETL to grow.

In the movie The Last Holiday, Queen Latifa, made a book and she called it Possibilities! We can all live a life of possibilities! The hardest part is dreaming BIG! Set aside a bit of time for the things that you’d like to see, do or become. HAPPY DREAMING!

SUPPORT FROM THE DIVINE: VIA OUR ANCESTORS

I found the blog of Simone Butlers on Astrology (astroalchemy.com) interesting and so I thought that I would pass it along. I know from recent visits with Daniel Giomario, Shamanic Astrologer; that there is a lot of movement in the sky, much more than will be happening at what many refer to as, The End of the Mayan Calendar. (2012)

The following article really shows that we have Divine Support from many levels. All we have to do is to pay attention to what comes into our awareness. Things as simple as a series of numbers for example. The more there are in the series, the stronger the message: Pay Attention! Pay attention to what you’re thinking, reading or who comes to you mind. (You can find out more information from Doreen Virtue’s book on Angel numbers.)

"In the August issue of O Magazine, Trisha Coburn tells of a series of disturbing dreams in which ghostly figures tried to relay a message to her in a language she didn’t understand. Nothing was wrong in her life, she was happy and felt fine. Yet the dreams persisted, growing more urgent each time. So she had some blood tests – all clear. Then came a final dream, with two words in English: “Look deeper.”

Despite her doctor’s reluctance, Coburn scheduled a colonoscopy. A black mass appeared on the screen: an aggressive, fast-moving cancer. Immediate surgery saved Coburn’s life. If she had waited even two months longer, her prognosis would have been grim.

How perfect that Oprah’s issue spotlighting intuition would debut the week of the Capricorn Full Moon. Capricorn is about taking care of ourselves. And, it’s a sign connected to ancestral tradition. The ancestors have been whispering to us all month, ever since the July 1 solar eclipse. Now the Sun in maternal Cancer opposes the Moon in paternal Capricorn (Thursday the 14th at 11:40 p.m. PDT). The intuitive message grows more insistent."

So, pay attention to thoughts, wind chimes, anytime that you find your awareness acute, stop and ask, “Is there anything that I should know in this moment?” and don’t forget to add Thank You! I love you! and with that, I’ll sign off....and I LOVE YOU!

GUILT CAN COME ALONG WITH SELF-CARE

While I talk and write about self care, guilt free, it is certainly something that I continue to practice for myself.

In dealing with the tenants in the Riverbend Retreat House, I find myself feeling guilty about wanting the tenants to move out. I consult with a friend of mine who has a lot of practice in home rentals. She’s been encouraging me to take the legal steps to get them out. I continue to make up excuses as to why “They’re not that bad!” I’m sharing with you this recent email that she sent to me. Maybe there is something in it that will help release some guilt that you may be feeling.

"Don't feel guilty doing what is best for you. I realized this morning with one of my own issues is that I feel guilty doing what is best for me. Why do we always want to help someone else out at the expense of putting ourselves last. I am feeling guilty filing a claim with my insurance company, like I should pay for the repair out of pocket myself, instead of filing the claim for the insurance to cover it. Yet that is what I pay insurance premiums for. Why do I feel guilty asking them to pay? I think it applies very similar to what you are feeling. I don't think we should put ourselves in a worse situation, while helping someone else, who obviously doesn't care. For example; I don't think the insurance company really cares that I file a claim. Just like I don't think the tenants care that you get paid each month for living in your home. Otherwise, they would have paid their July rent. Please just go through with the eviction process. It is tough to do this, but it will be quicker than doing it any other way.”

In taking care of ourselves, it may be helpful to think of it as taking care of the little ones inside of us. This takes the focus off of you (perceived selfishness) and you’re still helping others….in a sense, (YOU!)

MANIFESTATION

I remember back when we had 5 acres and I wanted to fence it. I knew that I was never going to have enough extra cash to fence it all at one time. But I did know that I could break it into baby steps and it would eventually get done. Every Friday afternoon, I stopped at the hardware store and bought 10 T posts and 2 wooden posts. I had my children help me put them in the ground each weekend. Eventually, all the posts set. I then, hired someone to help me stretch the fencing across the poles. And viola! It was complete.

Whatever it is that we’re trying to create, it can easily be accomplished, just by breaking our projects into baby steps.

Maybe the hardest part is deciding what project that you’re wanting to complete. Just begin to write down thoughts that come into your head. Pay attention to things that inspire you. WRITE IT DOWN! (This seems to be very important!)

It is relatively easy to finish a project by using these simple steps.

1. Break it down into small baby steps. Don’t look too far ahead. Just do one thing at a time. The next thing will reveal itself to you. If you try to see the whole project, you can become stuck, overwhelmed.

2. Just one minute a day will move you towards the completion of your project.

One of the most important elements to completing your creation is to
3. Let go of perfectionism.

In trying to complete this last book, a friend suggested different options to save money on the cover. I knew that if I obsessed about the cover, it simply was a diversion for me, to my completing the project. And I was absolutely correct.

Wanting things to be perfect usually means that they are never finished, because everything can always be improved.

Do your best at the time and let it go.

4. Let go of your expectations. Have a map of how you want your ideas to be manifested. But then, remember, it is a creation and let your imagination and talents flow freely. Be surprised!!!

So, there you have it! Congratulations are in order! Be sure to pat yourself on the back!

GPS FOR LIVING..A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR SURVIVING CHANGE, ROLLING ALONG!

The goal is to have GPS for Living published by the first of August, in time for my first ‘official’ speaking engagement in September. Finally, yesterday, I got it all together and it’s off to my very talented layout girl. WOO HOO!

When I think back to when I decided that I wanted to publish a book and began with EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN, JUST NOT NOW! and now I’m completing the project of my second book, it seems a bit unreal.

Who would have thought that I would have been able to write and publish a book....and now two!

I’ve learned a lot, not only about the writing process but the lifestyle a writer leads. One who is in a creating mode leads a pretty reclusive life, which can be a breeding ground for loneliness.

A constant monitoring, of not only the project, but one’s emotions is necessary. Struggling to maintain some kind of balance in life is imperative and actually the journey.

While the project is off my desk for a small bit, it opens up the space to work on the marketing tools that need to be developed in order to sell the book. And the talks for the fall have to be developed, and, and, and.....

But for now, I’ll stop, breathe and enjoy the fact, that with the support and talents of many others, this project is now complete!

I want to thank all of you for you love, support, understanding and help during this very long process. I LOVE YOU!!!
Tomorrow I’m going to tell you how to get your creative project off the ground! Put on your thinking caps. What have you always wanted to do?

(PS. The picture is the cover of the book.)

SOUL MATES

I’m finding myself in resistance to getting GPS for Living to the layout girl. This is a nice diversion for me. But today, I’m just going to share with you something I read about soul mates while researching my book.

"people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person that you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. and thank god for it...his purpose was to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life...that was his job, he did great, but now it's over...so miss him. send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. you're just afraid to let go of the last bits of him because then you'll really be alone, and you are scared to death of what will happen if you are really alone. but here is what you gotta understand...if you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot--a doorway. and guess what the universe will do with that doorway? it will rush in--God will rush in--and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. stop using him to block that door. let it go. you gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone outta be.”

It didn’t say who the author was, but it was interesting thoughts for me to ponder.

"Anyone or anything that does not bring you alive, is too small for you! “ David Whyte